What a guy means when he says.........

Mo was reading on Yahoo.com 'How to Get Inside a Guy’s Mind'

Mo: Hey Gatsby what does it mean when a guy says ....."I'll call you later."

Gatsby: Well guess what? He will more than likely call you later. Usually men will not bother telling you this if they have no interest in you. Sometimes their situation changes and later is a long time. That does happen! But this is usually not the case and in the end it is only a call anyways. If he calls it is still just a call. If both of you are fortunate and neither of you are totally messed up maybe you can can have fun together and enjoy each other and maybe fall in love. Though the odds are way against it. God only knows how we fell for master. But when he calls I come because it may just be dinner time.

Mo: Alright what if the guy says "My ex is crazy." Smarty pants?

Gatsby: She probably is. But then if a girl was to say the same thing I would probably say yes he is. Now if you classify crazy as an emotion then I would think women tend to be more emotional. Sometimes I think you are crazy Mo, the way you woof your food down without even looking at it first.
Now I have one for you big boy. He Says: "That guy seems like a good friend of yours."

Mo: Well Jay I have never heard anyone say that before but if he did I would think he was a bit jealous of their friendship. Jealousy is a valid emotion. We all feel it. Even I get jealous when master pets you more than me. Which by the way seems like 'ALL THE TIME'.


Gatsby: Oh poor big dog. Call the wambulance. But here is another one I read in the same article on Yahoo... He Says: "It's a long story."

Mo: That one is easy Bacon Breath. It is a long story! And no one wants to hear it especially your significant other. Unless you have been in an intimate relationship for about 5 years it is raining outside and you've eaten all the popcorn and the late night 'b' movie really reeks. Then put me to sleep with whatever dreary story you can muster up.

Gatsby: Yea like you don't sleep all day as it is.

Mo: Heeheehee. What if He Says: "That's a new look."

Gatsby: Have you looked a your hair lately? Every morning when you wake up it is a new look.
Actually it is a rather noncommittal statement. But my guess is it will grow on him even if he is not that awed by it. It is better than saying "that is a nice look on you" and it sounds as insincere as it probably is because most men just accept that you wanted to look different and this style pleases you. I remember that shaved look you had for Arizona talk about a 'new look for you'. Ha ha ha ha!

Mo: Now you are cruising for a bruising little guy. So My Stylish cur what if he says "Why are you being so emotional?"

Gatsby: Cake buddy boy cake!

Mo: Cake!!! Where? Cake cake I love cake.

Gatsby: Figuratively speaking duffas butt. I mean that is easy. It means that he is not all that interested in getting into an argument based on feelings. Because everyone's feelings will get hurt, no one gains by it and sleeping on the couch is out of the question because I have the couch tonight.

Mo: You have the couch every night!!
Now what if He Says: "That's not what I meant." Does he really mean "That's totally what I meant, but now that I see you're mad, I wish I hadn't said it out loud."

Gatsby: Could be if he is a spineless creature like our neighbors who called the sheriff and said we were viscous dogs cause we chased her cat out of the yard! Just fess up and say you were totally insensitive, if it was, or stand by it if it wasn't. Just have a bit of fortitude. Maybe he was just misunderstood and he wants to clarify what he actually had said
And what if He Says: "It's fine." Keep in mind master says that all time when we don't like our dog food "It's fine! It's the good stuff! Besides that is all your getting."

Mo: Yea I don't like it when anyone says 'it's fine'. That is their point of view regardless what it means. Seems rather dismissive and rude most of the time. Sometimes that stuff that is 'fine' makes me have the runs!

Gatsby: Alright then how about "Can we talk about this later?"

Mo: Since when are you so squeamish?

Gatsby: No jelly butt. If he says "Can we talk about this later?"

Mo: Duh I get it now. I think it would be okay with me but I would probably forget so we may as well talk about it now. Unless that cute girl dog down the street is listening in then I think we should go play.

Gatsby: Good idea! Let's go find her.

My Dogs on Sara Palin

I overheard Mo trying to explain Sara Palin to Gatsby. Frustrated with him not knowing who this was he told this story.

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio were in Las Vegas taking in some shows, losing some hard earned cash when they came to this billboard MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD CONTEST. Snow White said "I am going to enter this contest" and when she returned the others wanted to know how she did and she replied "I am the most beautiful women in the world. I won."

Upon coming to the next billboard which read THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD CONTEST. Superman said "I am going to enter" and upon returning the others wanted to know how he did. "I am the strongest man in the world. I won." he replied.

The next billboard read THE GREATEST LIAR IN THE WORLD. "This should be a piece of cake for me" said Pinocchio. Upon returning the other wanted to know how he did. "Not too well" replied Pinocchio, "who the heck is Sara Palin?"

I walked away chuckling but wondered if anyone else got Mo's sense of humor.

Dog food (not soup) for the chicken soul

I love to look at the stars and camp under in the wild but I am rather afraid of the dark. I have been since I was very young and have never really mastered it nor felt comfortable alone in the dark. I am not sure why I am so afraid of the dark but lets blame it on my parents.
I never knew my real dad as he left when I was 2 years old and my mom had her hands and brain too full for security of a little scarity cat. My step father could have a mean streak (and my mom also) when he was drinking or actually anytime if we ate all the ice cream before he got home...go get a branch out of the yard , drop your pants, learn a lesson. Great lesson for little kids. At any rate anger, conditions, insecurity have all played a part in this almost phobia. (my phobia is small tight spaces...add the dark now that should make anyone cry)
Now I get a chance to introduce you to the second partner in small town crime. His name is Gatsby. He loves to be with me all the time except at night or when the house gets too warm then he sleeps outside. He is deathly afraid of the pet clippers so I must use the sissors yet he loves his night walks and camping trips and he will get between me and a bear as he did in Aspen, Colorado. The dogs smelled the bear long before I saw him. I am less afraid of bears than walking down an alley alone at night. The dogs quickly took notice of their "mortal enemy" and began the rapid approach and vociferously alerted the bear of priorities. My dogs listens well and came to my side and Gatsby leaned against me when I called him as did Mo who had been bouncing up and down and rearing on his hind legs to make himself taller. Even as Gastby quivered unrestrained against me (partly from fear I am sure but partly from the desire to drive the beast to its mountainous retreat). I never felt more protected, more in control, more a part of life and the greatness of man, dog, and wild animals. And night skies.
So now you know how a scared little boy can grow up to freely camp where he wants and sit in the dark of the night with skies so full as to remind one of our small contribution to this package of earth and skies and companions.

No fly in this ointment

Well I have decided not to tick (pun intended) everyone off on my first post. That comes later.

I am the best friend of Mo and Gatsby and can't help but wonder what they think when I do crazy things, like leave them for a month when I go rafting down the Grand Canyon, work well into the night and sometimes all night on dumbass things or eat lettuce and broccoli. I always miss them when I am gone but there they are with my neighbor who feeds and talks to them and cleans up after them while I ride the whitewater without them (dogs are not allowed).

This morning the flies were especially ferocious. We live in an ag/ranching community in Colorado and the cows are only blocks not miles away and I do not eat meat. What a shame...when times are lean I could just pluck me one, feed the 3 of us for the winter and no one would be the wiser. Many famous cattle rustlers have adorned the pages of the history of the west and I could have joined the ranks of infamy if only... but I guess that is just another great quest side railed by destiny. Ahhh but I do digress. A fly landed on the nose of my big dog, I grabbed the swatter and (no, no, no... I know what you are thinking I did not swat his nose) I simply shooed the fly away whereby he did not heed the warning shot but chose to land on Mo's shoulder. During this Mo kept his eyes on me, boy that dog has big brown eyes (I have always told Mo if I were a girl dog I sure would hang around him a lot although it would be to no avail as he has been clipped), Mo just lay there on his side with his head on the floor and his eyes on me but held perfectly still. Normally he and Gatsby spend a good deal of time snapping at flies, shaking their heads, or twitching (sometimes with success but usually for naught). The fly then foolishly landed on his shoulder thinking this was a free space but I quickly and deftly swatted Mo with just enough force to knock the bugger to the ground, Mo's eyes followed the fly to the floor just in front of him, where I proceeded to end the reign of terror this one had imposed upon man's laziest and of course best friend. Sometimes I wish they could help hang drywall, or electrical work, help with work around the house or even take out the trash (sound a little like your problem with the sig-other ladies). But that is all wishful thinking as I have asked them many times if any of these hold an interest for them. Nope they just put their heads back on the floor or my foot and go back to sleep and wait for the call to walk or eat or maybe a new visitor (which of course has dropped into see them).

Now you have to understand Mo a little more as he is a big 150 lb dog and has a tremendous streak of stubbornness in him due to the Pyrenees but he has Airedale also so the attributes kind of cancel each other out and he becomes Mo. Well Mo closed his eyes and went back to sleep and I sat wondering what kind of trust would it take for me to allow a friend or you to do the same thing. Dang I don't think I would let you have a fly swatter anywhere close to my face. Not that I think you would do anything cruel ....or would you? I guess that is the whole gist of it. Sometimes I just sit and listen to the 2 dogs snore and the dog smell (sometimes I get closer just to smell them and it is not offensive at all as I don't sniff the southern region like they do. Unless of course they have been out in the rain then they have to stay on the porch) permeates the air. I know and they know it is safe here. For all of us. We have no guns, no knives, no bazookas, no traps just each other.

Now I am not sure if you were here in this same town, in this same house, this same room that I could count on you sleeping there on my floor, with your certain indobiosmell, and the specific sound of your snoring and make me feel safe and loved. Yes loved. One may question a dogs ability to love but when I return home from a month raft trip (or just a trip to the next town for groceries)the way they whine and carry on for the longest time I know that dogs have a greater capacity for love than even I do for them. Which if you have followed along is fairly overwhelming.

This is nothing against you (the reader personally. you are just simply following your humanality) of course but dogs have very little in the way of agenda where humans and human brains have greatly complicated not only workings of life but our feelings of safety. Humans have not only threatened their own world but the world of my dogs. Humans have brought destruction to new levels and a hate of each other for which my dogs could never want to think. When life is lean we all tighten our proverbial belts and go on... but when hate, hurt, greed, cruelty, and dogma (this time no pun intended and my sincere apologies to my dogs for slanderous use of the species)of narrow minded humans is added into the mix I do not feel safe and the kindred spirit of man or women can be greatly tested.

I am not so naive to not understand the conditions of a capitalistic and of a gregarious society. But I will never exploit, hurt, or hate my dogs (or the mean dog down the street) based on money, religion, sex, race, political orientation. Sometimes it is hard to believe in this same concept for my spaceship earth compatriots.